Hi, Healing! Let’s Go On A Journey

I recently found myself reflecting on the lessons I have learned and how I can incorporate those into my life more. What’s to thank? My handy dandy journal. I realized that my brain is always on the go, always thinking, thinking, thinking and never in the present moment. The present is something that I don’t focus on often, my mind likes to spend its time on the things I can’t control like the past and the future. I can’t blame it though because it means well. It really does, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences. There are many… I know that I have already had this epiphany (and written about it), but how many times does someone have to have the same realization before it actually sticks… that’s a question for another day. Back to what I was saying and what you’re all waiting for… my super wise words of wisdom:

1. I know I already touched on this, but being in the present moment is often overlooked in my mind. Stressing about the past or future on repeat may seem like a good idea but, I had to break it to myself, it doesn’t actually help. At all. In the slightest bit. Actually, it is counter productive because how many things, places, people, experiences have I missed out on or haven’t been fully aware of/about?! Probably more than I would like to know. With that being said, remaining in the present moment allows for more space for gratitude which brings me to my second point…

2. There is always something to be grateful for. I hate to call myself out, but I can be a little bit pessimistic at times (I’m working on it). I know I’m not the only one, but sometimes I find myself only focusing on what’s wrong or what could be better or what I don’t like. Spoiler alert: it kills the vibe. So what have I decided to do about it you ask? I am going to start focusing on the good. Which will be a lot easier because of how present and in the moment I am going to be (insert a wink here).

3. I have fallen into the trap of hyper-fixating on healing. I feel like this is a common one (or maybe not) and something that people warn others about but I still did it anyway. My overthinking tendencies teamed up with my desire to heal and the outcome was me obsessing over my growth, what I could be doing better, and over analyzing every single thought and move I make. Yes, it’s as miserable as it sounds so that behavior is getting canned.

4. Next up: control is an illusion. I have definitely mentioned this in previous posts but I have an addiction to trying to control every outcome in my life. To most, I seem like the most laid back, zen person you’ve ever met but if you saw what goes on in my mind, you would be amazed (and not in a good way). Referring back to number 3, my overthinking and perfectionist tendencies make me feel that having control is not optional. Things MUST go the way that I planned them to go and everyone must follow the script that they don’t know about that I made up in my mind. Crazy, I know, but it’s my reality. With that being said, surrender is still something that I am learning to have more of in my life.

5. Being seen does not have to send me into fight or flight. This is been something that I’ve battled with as long as I can remember. Even the thought of being seen would send shivers down my spine (dramatic but true). Now, I have come to the realization that maybe I should work on that. This affirmation has helped me to cope with the concept: “No one is better than me and I am no better than anyone.” To me, it symbolizes that we are all equal. We all have had successes, made mistakes, and are human. So when put that way, how could I fear judgement or have shame if we’re all in the same boat together?

If you’ve stuck around for all 5 reasons, you may think I’m losing my mind (I might be) or my thoughts maybe profound. Either way, I hope that my journey has provided some entertainment. Reprogramming my brain has been wild but also a truly magical experience. Remember, you are so worthy of having the life you desire! Healing is hard, but so is staying the same.

Hi, Surrender. I Think We Should Become Friends.

“Surrender” is a word that I never really resonated with. If you know me, I am a perfectionist in all capital letters, so the idea of surrendering has never been on my radar. I have developed this wonderful skill where I create scenarios in my mind exactly how I want them to go to the minuscule detail. Often enough, these made up scenarios never happen the way I have formulated them to play out. Shocker, right? Somehow, I am always left upset, frustrated, and sad that life didn’t play by the rules that I had written (in great detail!). You would think that I would have learned by now but sadly enough, I am only now realizing how much of a problem this really is.

You often hear the saying, “Man plans, God laughs” but it has really struck a chord within me in the last few months. I have realized the anxiety and frustration that I have caused myself is so unnecessary and has created way more pain and suffering than needed. With that being said, I’d love to give a shout out to my ego that believes that it knows best and is the absolute root cause of all of this. Don’t get me wrong, the ego gets a bad rap but it is not entirely the villain. It does what it knows best which is protecting us and keeping us safe. That is the ego’s job, so you can’t fault it. All we can do is recognize when the ego is doing its job just a little too well and notice when we are a little too comfortable in our bubble. I realized that my ego had and has something to do with my need to attach such strong emotions to the scenarios that I have planned in my head. It is all about protection and control. If I can plan out how things will go, my mind believes that I am in control of the situation and my ego feels that I am safe.

Time and time again though, I have seen that tricking yourself into having a false sense of control does not, in fact, equate to actual control. Finally realizing this is when the term “surrender” started popping up in my head. I realized that surrendering doesn’t mean giving up, throwing in the towel, or parading around life without a care in the world. Surrendering means being accepting of all outcomes and knowing that you will be okay no matter what. Surrendering means enjoying life for what it actually is because that is when you truly experience joy. True joy can only be felt when you are in the present moment. Planning out every aspect of your life is the opposite of being present. That isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have any plans or goals ever, it just means that we should ride the waves of life when we need to. There is a time and a place for everything. Some times call for surrender and some call for planning and action—basically the Serenity Prayer finally clicked for me as of today.

Just a friendly reminder: Life is a balance. Surrendering is beautiful. You are doing amazing. Everything will be okay.

Thoughts, Thanks but No Thanks…

We are born into this world to learn, laugh, cry, fail, prosper, and grow, only to face the inevitable ending that we all know is coming one day. Pretty morbid, I know. These thoughts though, allow us to realize that we must spend our time figuring out what ignites our souls. So, we then spend our lives constantly trying to “find ourselves” and “live life to the fullest” but what does that actually mean? We put so much emphasis on these concepts but do we actually ever fulfill them? Even further, how does one know that they have actually lived their life to the fullest?

Throwing yourself into the void can be the scariest thing you will ever do. Even scarier, throwing yourself into the void may not yield the results you hope to experience. With that being said, don’t let it stop you. Faith is the only tool we have to navigate us through once we make the jump. Look your fears into the eyes and know that they have no real control over you. You are not your thoughts. Without realizing it, we allow them to be our puppet masters causing us to navigate life as a zombie. We often surrender to the voice in our head that wants us to remain safe but at the price of being stuck. How does one not succumb to their thoughts and doubts and fears and negative thoughts you ask? I still haven’t figured that one out quite yet; however, I have realized that self compassion is the most necessary part of this equation. Be kind to yourself on this journey of self discovery. If you stumble and fall, know that it is a lesson, not a failure and always validate your feelings in the process. Encourage yourself rather than beat yourself down. When you decide to try something new or different, make note of it and truly be proud of yourself no matter the result.

Some say that living your life to the fullest is jumping out of a plane or starting a new business venture, but what good are those actions if you are not compassionate with yourself. What good are your accomplishments if you yourself don’t even acknowledge them? We are so quick to point out our flaws but we never recognize our triumphs. We fixate on the bad and the negative but fail to see all of the good right in front of us. When you show up for yourself, you cultivate a relationship with your soul. You tap into a part of yourself that has always been there waiting for you to make the connection. That part of yourself is rooting for you and cheering you on, you just have to open yourself to hearing it behind the clutter of your thoughts. Once you acknowledge said thoughts, allow them to pass like the clouds in the sky and then listen out for your inner voice. This voice will grow louder and louder the more you practice. Use your faith to allow it to guide you back to yourself which will give you the fullest life you could ever imagine.

Hi, Growth. Can You Stay Here for a While?

It recently dawned on me that I have learned so much regarding my mental health. I realized that I am able to navigate life much more effectively now because looking back, the way I lived life was kind of yikes and actually made no sense at times. There is so much more work to do, but I have to give myself a tiny bit of credit. With that being said, I figured I would share some of my lessons I’ve learned thus far!

Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form qualified to give life advice. Remember, my blog title includes the word “inexperienced” in it.

#5: Life Is Not That Serious

Like at all. Let’s be real here, I take life waaaaay too seriously. Shocker, right? Sometimes, I catch myself having to be like, “dude, you really need to chill the f out.” My perfectionist, people pleasing personality does not do well with this concept and really struggles with it. I have found it super helpful to sit back and just laugh at whatever I’m stressing out about because WHO CARES?! I probably would have gotten away with a lot less anxiety and depression if I would’ve figured this out way sooner. Also, I’d like to make a side note that I still indeed take life too seriously and that I never said that I actually followed these lessons.

#4: Journaling Works Wonders

Writing down your feelings? Gross, I know. I promise that it’s worth it though. Allowing your subconscious mind to dump whatever needs to get out will leave you feeling 10 times lighter. Seriously, try it. Grab a pen and some paper and write whatever comes to you without editing it or thinking about it or stoping until you are done. You will be amazed how good it feels to actually process your thoughts and declutter the files of your mind. Want to journal about a specific topic? There are so many journal prompts available online about any topic you can think of. Try it for a week or two and then come back and thank me:)

#3: Just Breathe

Breath is a powerful thing. You hear all the time to focus on the breath in yoga and meditation. Yanno what I’m talking about, “Just be present, focus on your breath.” All the things that I forget to do when anxiety is in the driver’s seat and depression is in the passenger seat with the aux cord while I’m stuck in the backseat being held hostage. BUT, if you actually breathe and remember that everything is going to be okay, it truly helps. You really have to commit though, you can’t just do it for 30 seconds and then proclaim that it doesn’t work. You have to fight through the hyperventilating and take deep breaths. It is very uncomfortable and not a good time, but neither is having a panic attack. Also, don’t forget to meditate! It doesn’t need to be perfect and it’s totally normal for your mind to wander while you do it. The mind is rude and doesn’t always do what you want it to sometimes but it will get better with practice.

#2: I Really Hate to Admit It, But Exercising Really Does Help

There. I said it. I just admitted what I have refused to believe is true for so long. It hurts my soul to say that all the times that someone suggested working out, they were right. Well, at least partially, I can’t give them 100% credit. This is not to discount how DIFFICULT it can be to make yourself be active especially when you are deep in a mental health rut. Trust me, I have been in the place where you can’t fathom making it out of the bed to even change your clothes. Where you can’t imagine how you’re going to leave the house or have human interaction with someone even though it’s been days. It has taken me up until recently to truly give exercising a try. Now, I really can tell when I haven’t worked out in a while which is definitely difficult to admit. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy though, it can be 10-15 minutes of yoga, walking around your neighborhood, forcing yourself to do a quick Peleton ride, or whatever you feel you can manage for the day. It’s really all about taking dedicated time to move your body. It will thank you. Trust me.

#1: Life Is So Much More Enjoyable When You Are Your Authentic Self

Firstly, I would like to admit that this lesson is where I am the biggest hypocrite. I am learning though and still figuring out who my authentic self actually is after hiding it for so long. I will say that I am getting closer and closer than I have been in a very long time. As always, I have to give reiki and journaling a shout out for helping me to release blockages and trauma that have made me believe it is unsafe to be my authentic self. I could go on and on about my theories as to why this is but that’s not the point of this post. The point is that life is so much better when you finally stop dimming your light. The world needs you the way you are, how you are. It needs you as your authentic self, that’s why you’re here. Stop caring what people think and refer back to lesson #1. Stop taking life so seriously and drop your fear of judgement, shame, and self doubt. JUST BE YOU. You’re a rockstar!

Thank you for tagging along on the adventures of an inexperienced yogi. I, by no means, have all the answers and am learning as I go. If you are looking for one of those picture perfect yogi gurus who does all those crazy inversions and eats really pretty meals, this might not be the blog for you. Not to shame them though, I would like to be like that one day. I am just not there now and that is perfectly okay!

Energy? Hi, How Can I Help You?

In a world where literally everything is energy, I somehow decided that the best idea would be to absorb the energy of others. From the time I can remember, I have learned that the best way to navigate through this life is to pick up the energy of those surrounding you and follow their vibe. If they’re quiet and mellow, then I am quiet and mellow. If they are outgoing and goofy, then I allow myself to be more outgoing and goofy. This coping mechanism definitely started in childhood and has latched on to my mind as the best way to connect with people. If my husband is in a bad mood, the only imaginable thing to do would be to absorb that energy and turn into a grump myself. That way, we can both be beholden to the grasp of feeling like crap because why not? I have obviously realized that this is not a way to live but sometimes, my goodness does this thought process not want to let go of its hold on me. I have to remind myself that I don’t have to adapt to the vibration around me. I need to be able to vibrate at my own frequency regardless of my surroundings. Simply put, I don’t have to match the room. But… that takes guts, at least in my eyes. That would mean that I would have to be confident in myself and stand firmly in who I am (yikes).

With a little help from my friends (friends meaning reiki), I hope that I will one day be able to accomplish this and heal the parts of me that felt it was necessary to attach so deeply to this limiting belief. If you’re a people pleasing introvert like me, then you know that this is no small feat. It will take a lot of practice and mishaps and failures to finally get it right. It will take me repeating positive affirmations over and over again until I’m blue in the face. It will take me staring into my eyes in the mirror to finally actually “see” myself. It will take countless more interactions with people at different frequencies. I know in my heart that love is not morphing into another person, but being your authentic self no matter the situation. I saw in a post somewhere (such a typical Gen Z/Millennial thing to say) that this person realized that they needed to believe that they were worthy of love as they were. They didn’t need to act a certain way or people please themselves to death to be worthy. They already were. This resonated with me to my core because I know it’s what I needed to hear and it probably led me write to this post subconsciously. What good is it if we’re all the same human robots with no emotions of our own? Spoiler alert: it would suck and life would be so very boring. The good news? At least I can identify that there is a problem and I have a solution. The next step? The hardest part, which is putting these realizations to action. This is apparently a lesson that my soul signed up for though, so the only way out is to fulfill the contract of loving myself unconditionally as I am with absolutely no exceptions.