“Surrender” is a word that I never really resonated with. If you know me, I am a perfectionist in all capital letters, so the idea of surrendering has never been on my radar. I have developed this wonderful skill where I create scenarios in my mind exactly how I want them to go to the minuscule detail. Often enough, these made up scenarios never happen the way I have formulated them to play out. Shocker, right? Somehow, I am always left upset, frustrated, and sad that life didn’t play by the rules that I had written (in great detail!). You would think that I would have learned by now but sadly enough, I am only now realizing how much of a problem this really is.
You often hear the saying, “Man plans, God laughs” but it has really struck a chord within me in the last few months. I have realized the anxiety and frustration that I have caused myself is so unnecessary and has created way more pain and suffering than needed. With that being said, I’d love to give a shout out to my ego that believes that it knows best and is the absolute root cause of all of this. Don’t get me wrong, the ego gets a bad rap but it is not entirely the villain. It does what it knows best which is protecting us and keeping us safe. That is the ego’s job, so you can’t fault it. All we can do is recognize when the ego is doing its job just a little too well and notice when we are a little too comfortable in our bubble. I realized that my ego had and has something to do with my need to attach such strong emotions to the scenarios that I have planned in my head. It is all about protection and control. If I can plan out how things will go, my mind believes that I am in control of the situation and my ego feels that I am safe.
Time and time again though, I have seen that tricking yourself into having a false sense of control does not, in fact, equate to actual control. Finally realizing this is when the term “surrender” started popping up in my head. I realized that surrendering doesn’t mean giving up, throwing in the towel, or parading around life without a care in the world. Surrendering means being accepting of all outcomes and knowing that you will be okay no matter what. Surrendering means enjoying life for what it actually is because that is when you truly experience joy. True joy can only be felt when you are in the present moment. Planning out every aspect of your life is the opposite of being present. That isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have any plans or goals ever, it just means that we should ride the waves of life when we need to. There is a time and a place for everything. Some times call for surrender and some call for planning and action—basically the Serenity Prayer finally clicked for me as of today.
Just a friendly reminder: Life is a balance. Surrendering is beautiful. You are doing amazing. Everything will be okay.
The Inexperienced Yogi 